Our new house has a squirrel problem. I’m not talking about I-heard-scrabbling-noises-in-the-attic-it-must-be-a-squirrel-ew-gross-call-the-exterminator-wow-I’m-glad-that’s-over-with squirrel problems. No. I only wish.
I’m talking about squirrels-have-been-living-here-for-years-and-think-it’s-their-house-so-get-out squirrel problems.
See, one sunny fall morning, a few weeks after moving in to our new house, a squirrel hopped onto the patio from the roof. “Awwww,” we all said, “look at the cute, fat, well-rested squirrel!” (Okay, maybe we didn’t say “well-rested”, but in retrospect, he surely was.) Later that same day, I came home and saw not one, not two, but five squirrels sunning themselves on the back roof. As I came closer, instead of running, one of the squirrels stood up, stretched and yawned, and lay back down.
The following week, I was upstairs and I saw a squirrel on the roof. I looked out thinking I could figure out where they were getting in. I kid you not, that squirrel saw me and ran up to the window until he was about a foot from my face, looked at me for a second, then hopped away.
That was when I realized we had a serious squirrel problem.
Although, to be fair, the squirrels don’t see it as a squirrel problem. Nope. But I would venture to guess they think they have a bit of a people problem.
So far we have evicted four squirrels and covered six holes in the eaves. But I still see them hopping over to the neighbor’s bird feeder. This same neighbor told us, “Yes, I know you have squirrels. The previous owner was quite the animal lover.” This same neighbor saw me run outside in my pajamas on more than one occasion to yell at the squirrels and didn’t blink an eye. Good neighbors are priceless.
This war isn’t over yet. I still make uncomfortable eye contact with the squirrels in my yard and the other day I heard some suspicious chewing noises. But I won’t give up. As God is my witness, they’re not going to lick me. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never make weird eye contact with squirrels again.
